Relationship (5 love languages)
Posted on July 28, 2011 by balancej
Did you ever wonder what really makes your spouse or other half feel loved? Well Gary Chapman eloquently summed it up for me in his book titled, “The Five Love Languages”. Many times we feel like our love language applies to our other half as well. Nothing can be farther from the truth. Gary identified 5 unique languages that each of us have. All of us have connection with all five in one way or another; however one or two of them seems to be more dominating. Gary identified the five different languages as words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.
A common mistake that most of us make is we think the other person’s language is exactly like ours. This common mishap has caused strife in many relationships. For example, the husband constantly tells his wife he loves her; however it doesn’t seem to be working as well as he thinks it should. She is very appreciative of the words of affirmation but doesn’t seem to be extremely happy or loved for that matter. The husband seems to be bewildered because he is telling his wife he loves her but she doesn’t seem to be happy with it. This leaves both of them confused and upset. The husband doesn’t realize that his wife’s dominate love language is “quality time” and by spending time with her, she would feel loved. The husband tells his friends that his wife is crazy because he tells her he loves her every day and she doesn’t believes it. His wife tells her friends that her husband doesn’t love her although he tells her every day but she doesn’t believe him. The husband’s language is “words of affirmation” and he thinks it is his wife’s as well. As you can see, this small mishap can lead to huge problems (divorce or separation).
This problem is easily solved; but why does it take couples so long to figure it out? I think there are a number of things that hinders couples from nipping this small problem in the butt. The first thing is we try to bring our habits and experiences and assumes the other person will experience it the same. Secondly, most of us won’t seek counseling to help us through moments like these because we tell our self the counselor doesn’t know anything about us, how could they possibly help. Another reason is some of us won’t read a self-help book to save our life. If we just devoted a little time reading and/or attending seminars on relationships and other areas in our life for that matter and apply it, miracles will begin to happen. You and your spouse can take a free assessment to get a good idea of your love language that will hopefully give the answers both of you have been searching for to make your marriage better.
You can take your free assessment at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/
I hope you find this information helpful!